


Group Date

by undercovermartian



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: All Hell Breaks Loose, M/M, are kenma and hinata a thing? that is the question, group date, my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun, oikuro is life, should probs edit my shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undercovermartian/pseuds/undercovermartian
Summary: Kuroo was the most annoying person Akaashi had the displeasure of ever fucking meeting, so it made perfect sense that he’d date the second most annoying person in the entire damn world– Oikawa Tooru.Okiawa, Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi go on a group date and all hell breaks loose + a little side of KenHina because the two of them are precious.





	

 

Akaashi didn’t really like most people, but prided himself in his ability to keep unwanted people at bay. He never was rude, never expressed his thorough disinterest in getting to know the person aloud. He’d politely thwart their advances, and gently divert their attention elsewhere, and their relationship would remain cordial acquaintances – giving each other a nod of acknowledgment in the hallway as they passed, and nothing more.

 

Akaashi had gotten so good at doing this that he had it down to almost an artform and an exact science. He could shake off just about anyone, well, everyone except for Kuroo Tetsuro. Kuroo had the infuriating ability to get underneath Akaashi’s skin like nobody else ever had. His stupid, unkempt hair, his horrible posture, his cackling laugh, his ever-present smirk, his precisely accurate blocks and the way that he leered after he stopped his opponent’s spike. Most of all Akaashi hated Kuroo’s incessant need to rile people up as if his very life depended on it.   

 

And he stuck to Bokuto’s side like a burr. The two of them would get up to the stupidest shit when they got together. Kuroo would wind Bokuto up until the point of no return, convince him to partake in a dumb prank, and then right before they’d get found out, Kuroo would slink away like the cat he was and Bokuto would often be the one caught in the middle of the act.

 

Kuroo was the most annoying person Akaashi had the displeasure of ever fucking meeting, so it made perfect sense that he’d date the second most annoying person in the entire damn world– Oikawa Tooru.  

 

They attended the same university by chance, met on the first day of volleyball practice, and the two hit it off immediately. They had this terrible chemistry that made them just work. Kuroo would goad Oikawa, Oikawa would rise to the bait and throw something back just as provoking. Then they’d engage in this bizarre fight/flirting dance, spitting biting insults of increasing severity all while smiling and progressively getting closer until they _pounced_ on each other.

 

They were a match made in hell and Akaashi was roped into spending way too much time with them.

 

Bokuto and Kuroo were accepted into the same university but decided that they’d both preferred being opponents over being teammates and Bokuto ended up going to a college 45 minutes outside of Tokyo (much to Akaashi’s pleasure). Akaashi followed Bokuto after completing his third year and joined their school’s volleyball team as a reserve setter.

 

There was a new sports rec center that lay between the two schools, and Bokuto and Kuroo agreed to play each other twice a month. Kuroo brought Oikawa, and Bokuto dragged Akaashi along and they’d go two against two.

 

Despite them being insufferable, Akaashi begrudgingly had to admit that these practice matches were making him a better player. Kuroo’s cunning and quick reflexes forced Akaashi to be on his toes constantly and Akaashi learned a lot from just observing the way Oikawa played. Oikawa was indeed one of the best setters he’d gone up against.  

 

Akaashi barely tolerated their presence until Oikawa launched a terrible proposition. Oikawa was leaning against the volleyball net post after a particularly rough and close game that he won by doing a feint, of all things, last minute. He smiled at Akaashi, his smile promised nothing good. “Say, Keji-kun,” he twirled a lock of his hair around his index finger, “Tetsu-chan and I are going out this weekend, and we were wondering if you and Koto-chan would like to tag along.”

 

Akaashi clenched his fists at hearing the nickname Oikawa christened him with. All of his internal systems were screaming NO, BAIL THE FUCK OUT, when Bokuto bounded over and wrapped his arm around Akaashi’s waist.

 

“Fuck yeah that sounds like fun. I’m so down,” he shouted and turned to Akaashi. “I’d like to go if you’d like to go,” he said lowering his tone. His boyfriend was being considerate, but he was staring at Akaashi with those wide, eager, expectant owl eyes that made it impossible to say no.

 

“…Fine.”

 

This was a bad idea.

 

* * *

 

It was worse than Akaashi imagined.

 

By some miracle, Kuroo convinced Kenma to join them. Kenma was accompanied by the Hinata, Karasuno’s middle blocker. The six of them meandered down Akihabara for hours. Oikawa stepped into Sephora, and promised that he’d be just a minute. He stepped out 45 minutes later carrying a large bag of cosmetics, looking flushed and smelling like the entire fragrance department spilled on him.

 

Kuroo slinked over to Oikawa, put his hands into the back pocket of Oikawa’s jeans and pulled him close. “That certainly was a long minute,” he purred.

 

Oikawa froze. “They had a buy two get one free on everything in the store, and my older sister was asking for me to buy her some makeup for her for her birthday…”

 

“That’s nice of you, babe.” Oikawa preened. Kuroo leaned forward and grinned a shit eating grin. “You forgot to wipe off the lip stick.”

 

Oikawa went red in the face (almost as red as the color of the tint on his lips) and let out a strangled noise as he shoved Kuroo away. “I hate you.”

 

\---

Kuroo’s and Oikawa’s antics were easy enough to ignore with the company. Kenma was equally disinterested and disapproving of everything that was happening as Akaashi was. They two of them enjoyed a comfortable silence, a mutual understanding. Hinata, who normally had energy that would rival Bokuto’s, was quiet. He orbited around Kenma and looked at the other boy as if he were the sun itself. He’d stare at Kenma enraptured and then would quickly look away when Kenma looked back at him, blush setting his face ablaze.

 

Bokuto massaged the back of Akaashi’s hand with his thumb in calming circles. He talked animatedly about everything and anything and he’d lean to give him a quick peck on the cheek. Bokuto made everything more bearable.

 

They ate dinner at a hole in the wall ramen shop then went to an arcade where Kenma proceeded to cream everyone at Mortal Combat, Galaga, Pac Man and every single game the place had until closing time.

 ---

They found themselves at a karaoke bar. Hinata passed out cold on Kenma’s lap after drinking half a beer. Kenma was playing his PSP, completely focused on the game he was playing, not noticing the absent-minded way he’d stroke Hinata’s hair when he was waiting for his game to load.

 

Akaashi found himself pouring back shot after shot of soju. Kuroo downed his sixth beer. “I’ll go first.” He staggered over to the karaoke machine, spent a significant time flicking through the song selections, and then let out a sound of triumph. He grabbed the mic, crouched down and began.

 

“What's new, Pussycat?

Whoa, whoa

What's new, Pussycat?

Whoa, whoa

 

Pussycat, Pussycat, I've got flowers

And lots of hours

To spend with you.

So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose!”

 

Oikawa was having a giggling fit and Bokuto was wheezing. Akaashi sat in a numb silence, trying his hardest to process the bizarre experience that he had just witnessed. He shivered.

 

Oikawa was up next. He performed a tipsy rendition of Barbie Girl, pitching his voice higher, batting his eyelashes and sashaying as he sung Barbie’s lines and lowered his voice and puffing out his chest when he sang Ken’s parts.

 

Bokuto wolf whistled at Oikawa when he finished. Oikawa plopped on top of Kuroo who bit his ear and whispered in a not so quiet way, “does that mean I can undress you right now?”

 

Oikawa let out a whimper in response.

 

Bokuto cleared his throat, “hey, hey, hey, it’s my turn.” Akaashi thanked all the gods up above for Bokuto’s intervention.

 

“I am not really great with words. But I think this song describes us perfectly. Akaashi, I dedicate this one to you.”

 

And then the infamous beats played. Oh, my god, Akaashi sank into his seat.

“We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

 I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

 Gotta make you understand”

Bokuto sang the entire song in a full baritone, complete with the dance moves and everything. When he finished, he was panting and gave Akaashi a blinding smile. Akaashi knew he should say something, but he was stunned, struck silent.

 

“Did he just,” Kuroo whispered.

 

“-Rick Roll his own fucking boyfriend?” Oikawa finished in an equally grave tone.

 

They looked at each other and burst out guffawing, laughing themselves to tears.

 

They calmed themselves after several minutes. Akaashi took another shot, kissed Bokuto on the corner of his mouth. “Thank you for the song, Bokuto-san,” and stood up.

 

He felt the whole room invert all at once and he stumbled over to the stage. He was so drunk he could barely read the songs that were on the menu. He scrolled down. He blinked. And then pressed play.

 

 

 

Akaashi woke up with a splitting headache. The clock read 3:00 pm. On the nightstand, he found some Advil and a glass of water. Once again Akaashi thanked the gods for having blessed him with such a great boyfriend.

 

Said boyfriend sat next to him thoroughly engrossed in whatever he was watching on his phone. He had a huge gummy smile eating up half of his face. Akaashi leaned against Bokuto. Bokuto fumbled with his phone, desperately trying to prevent Akaashi from seeing what he was looking at. But it was too late. Akaashi saw.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi, how are you feeling?”

 

“Bokuto-san, may I see your phone?”

 

“My what?”

 

“Your phone,” Akaashi’s voice was eerily calm.

 

“I can explain…” Bokuto started nervously as he handed the phone to Akaashi.

 

Akaashi ripped out Bokuto’s headphones and pressed play on the video.

My anaconda don't, my anaconda don't

  
My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun

The horror came in waves as he watched himself rap along to the entirety of Anaconda. He vaguely remembered choosing this song against his better judgment. He was a closeted Nicki fan and managed to hide his obsession for years.

 

He did not remember the part where he straddled Bokuto’s legs and proceeded to twerk and grind all over him.

 

The embarrassment was horrific. And then Bokuto’s phone buzzed and a text rolled in. It was from Kuroo, of fucking course.

 

Bro Kuroo: Can’t wait to go to karaoke again. Akaashi put on quite the show :p

 

An all-consuming rage coursed through him. He was going to  _murder_ Kuroo. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this shit show. 
> 
> Ps. I secretly head cannon Akaashi being an avid Nicki fan.


End file.
